Travelled to Sligo in the West of Ireland today.
Climbed a hill overlooking the Atlantic Ocean - which has the 4500 year old tomb of Queen Meabh (an ancient Irish Queen) on it. AMAZING views - heavenly. The landscape hasn't changed (apart from buildings) since Meabh looked upon it.
Then gave 2 lovely American girls (one of them was cute as hell :-) ) a lift into town. Never got their names or where in America they were from - had a nice friendly conversation though - one of those sweet things that happen.
Then went for a Seaweed bath - my second one - a great experience - I went over the alloted 50 mins - but they didn't mind coz it wasn't busy at the time.
Cost - 25 euro.
Value = priceless as a life.
While in the Iron bath with my ears beneath the water, I could hear my pulse like a steam train turned down low -always there and strong. I thought of this as my personal timer - counting every second - as it always does - even when, most of the time, I can't hear it.
My tummy rumbled. Now I probably wouldn't have heard it if my ears weren't in the water - but they were and the sound it made underneath the water in the Iron tub sounded exactly like a Whale ! I did what whales do for a second.
Then I thought about what I am basically. I am not this body - as is evident to anyone who has ever seen a corpse (e.g. at a funeral). Once death happens, the "spirit" leaves and all that is left is flesh and bones. This body will eventually return to the soil and enrich that soil as a source of nutrients. What this body is is a collection of atoms. Which will change over time from one compound to another. But even atoms are alive. Why ? Because they have Consciousness and Awareness. The Protons and Electrons in an atom are acutely aware of each other and thus acutely alive - responding to one another. What isn't responsive in an atom (at least to my limited knowledge) ? Neutrons - they are neutral. They just sit there observing so to speak what the Protons/Electrons are doing but not engaging in that dance.
So my Spirit is like a neutron - ever present, indestructible, eternal, not engaged in the dance of form yet at the same time always being right at the heart of form. There are neutrons in everything ! Yet I've never seen a neutron and will never probably.
At our level of Consciousness in the Animal Kingdom, my spirit is the indestructible awareness which leases me the space in which my mind exists - it observes my repetitive mental dialogue (the Voice in my head which I wrongly think is me) and my ego (my sense of self based on my past) without judgement and just accepts them as is. All power comes from that Spirit/Awareness. When I die, that Awareness will continue on into another form - whether that be soil, a worm, a rabbit or a cow.
What possibilities there are in this World for this bag of flesh and bones if I always acted from my background eternal Spirit and not from my Mental Dialogue or Ego ????? Endless I imagine.
Risen from the Dead.
Then I emptied the bath - with guilt for been in so long and with sadness at having to leave. And I was struck by the following:
I could stretch out fully in the bath with my feet resting on the vertical bit underneath the taps. My head and shoulders were slightly elevated on the opposite "slopey" side and I realised that at that moment, the empty bath was exactly like a coffin - sometime in the next 70 years (when the timer that is my heart stops ticking), there is no surer thing that I am going to be stretched out in this fashion - only then it will be in a coffin. So I crossed my hands, closed my eyes, quietened my mind, and just tried to be aware without thought or judging. This is the essence of me. Then I opened my eyes, turned my head and, in my mind, say "I love you" to all those who love me - and even those who don't love me - we are all part of the same universal Spirit.
Then I got out thoroughly relaxed and at peace and went to buy Mother's Day presents for probably the greatest love of my Egoic life at this point.
Just a special day.
Archive for March, 2010
Travelled to Sligo in the West of Ireland today.
So had a delicious hot bath last night - maybe a 90 min soak :-) It's beginning to become a Saturday night habit of mine...
Anyways have been giving attention to quieting my mind and turning off the constant mental chatter that normally fills my head.
I feel like I'm making progress. Last night, in the bath, I had a sort of minor transcendental moment while reading a poem called Tintern Abbey by William Wordsworth.
It's main theme is that our true essence is at one with nature. And that once we realize that, we can call on that union with nature to sustain us even while in the middle of a city/crisis.
Our thoughts do not supply any happiness for the most part - most are concerned with worry or fear of some sort - or of avoiding future bad events.
I love the idea that we are not born INTO this world (i.e. come from somewhere else) but we are born OF this world - like a wave that comes out of the ocean and that will return to the ocean.
Given that money is either:
1. Pieces of paper that we all agree to subscribe value to.. as opposed to candy wrappers.
2. Electronic numbers in a Bank Account that have no basis in reality outside the Bank's computer system.
3. A status symbol - a way of differentiating one human being from another.
Doesn't money and financial planning just take us away from our true selves and away from the present moment ? Isn't our Divine Nature that is inherent in all living things our biggest asset ? I mean, when we start retirement plans and take on mortgages, are we just taking up our share in The Western World Incorporated and turning a blind eye to the joy of living - just living ?
Yes... if I lose my job, I would like to have a big Emergency Fund... but even if I didn't - you know what - it wouldn't be the end of the world - why not ? Because at least I'm not a soldier in Irag dying before my time or a man watching his children suffer in Haiti.
Money has become so personalised that it is almost part of who I am.
Money seems to be a favourite tool of the Ego. "When I have a million euro, I'll be so free and happy" so attention is took away from this moment (that will never be repeated) to some future moment (when I've a million euro) that may never happen.
Oh... I'm just tired of living in financial clothes that are too small for me, with the hope that all this under-spending will yield financial "liberty" some day.
I mean money is not evil in and of itself. But the time spent thinking about it takes away from this second right here right now that when I'm 90 years old on life support I won't be able to "buy back" with all the Tea in China.
Sorry if I'm rambling.. just trying to clear my mind a bit... :-)
As things stand I'm likely going to have 3 sources of Retirement Income:
1. The Irish State Pension. Today this is roughly 200 a week.
2. My Employer Pension. This is dependent on Length of Service and Final Salary. And of course on the Scheme still be solvent in 35 years (which is not guaranteed). As I don't intend to spend a long time in my current job, I don't expect a lot from this pension if anything - maybe 20 euro a week at tops.
3. My Personal Pension/s. This is basically the money I put away out of my take-home pay towards Retirement. This will hopefully be my biggest Retirement Asset. Who knows what it will be worth in 35 years time (will depend on how much I earn in the future and investment growth) but I'm hoping a nice nest egg.
I worked in Britain for 7 months a few years ago and I recently received a letter from the British Government saying I'm entitled to 4/30ths of the British State Pension. And I can pay money each year for 26 more years to get the full pension. In today's money I'll have to pay roughly 400 pounds a year for 26 years in order to get say 90 pound a week pension on Retirement.
So 400 X 26 = 10400 in order to receive an annual pension of 90 x 52 = 4600. Pretty Sweet ! An awesome investment !
So I'm planning to make the additional payments all going well ! I hope the British Government don't change their rules on non-resident non-British people claiming British pensions - seems VERY generous to me ! (If I am understanding it correctly)
To relate this idea to finances - background - I'm a single male who desires to share physical pleasure with a woman I find attractive from time to time (once a week would be awesome... given that the distance between my seduction "successes" would from a scientific point of view probably be best measured in Geological Time).
Sex is important to me. Currently it resides in the realm of concept/fantasy. But recently I have become aware of how I "overthink" myself out of action in many areas of my life - including finding a lover. I want to stop thinking so much. And enjoy my body and allow my body to be enjoyed by others also. I am an animal-lover (that sounds so wrong in this context but you know what I mean !) and envy the way in which dogs (for example) sleep when they want to sleep, eat when they want to eat, drink what they want to drink and attempt to mount an attractive female when they want to... you know... there is something so honest and natural in it that it is beautiful.
They are playing out their minor (to the Universe) but major (to them) roles in the Greater Scheme of Things. Without Shame, Embarrassment or Guilt.
Why posting this on a Finance blog ?
Money I have spent in pursuit of a Sex Life:
2. Pick-up books (lost faith in these).
3. Drinks for women (have stopped doing this a long time ago).
4. Gone to Bars/Clubs thousands of times hoping to interact with attractive women.
Money I don't want to spend to attract sex:
1. Mortgage to jointly own a home with my lover in order to hold onto her.
2. Fancy gifts to hold onto a woman who I may feel (egotistically) unworthy of. Objectively I know all humans are equal worth-wise.
3. Paying for Dinner Dates when I'm more interested in getting the Lady into bed than finding out what she is really like.
4. Travelling to places like South America/Russia where I would be hoping that my European citizenship and relative economic superiority would allow me attract really hot girls who wouldn't pay attention to me in my home country.
You get the gist. Us men (some of us) can spend an awful lot of money in pursuit of a sex-life. Yes - in that department a lot of us are one-trick result-orientated self-serving ponies. We're designed so perhaps.
But does it have to be so ?
Especially when we are no longer expected to be the main Provider/Bread-winner ?
You see I don't really want a relationship. I want a sex-life. I don't want to lead a woman into thinking I want a relationship when I don't.
What is my point ?
I just read a blog of a former Call Girl (Belle du Jour) who has a best Male Friend who successfully operates a policy of telling a girl he has just met in a public place that he is more into having sex with her than marrying her (paraphrasing). Apparently he is very successful with this approach. What do you think ?
Should I stop seeing a sex-life as the end result of successfully passing the 3 month on-the-job-dating-screening-out-the-players-role-play that a lot of women seem to want to put men through and just go up to an attractive women and let her know that I find her attractive, tell her I'm interested in her physically and hope she's interested ?
I know it is SO true that you have to love yourself before anyone else loves you. For me I am more comfortable/content with myself than I have ever been in my life. A massive amount of self-love (resulting in attracting love) isn't the goal for me - a half-regular sex-life is.
I know my enlightenment as a human being is a far bigger experience than enjoying physical pleasure with a woman from time-to-time but I just want to dance that dance and enjoy myself that way.
Thoughts please ? Should I just act and react to what my body is telling me when I see a beautiful woman or should I continue to talk myself out of doing anything (she'd never be interested in me/ she probably has better things to think about at the moment/I couldn't afford to date a girl like that)?