Layout:
Home > Women ? Really ? Are you from a different planet ?

Women ? Really ? Are you from a different planet ?

June 7th, 2009 at 02:37 am

Oommph.... rant warning...

Just back from a night out where I met a lot of work colleagues...

let me preface this rant by adding this info..... I work in a factory in my hometown.. the majority of employees in this factory are from outside the town... a minority are locais...

Anyways..there's this girl I think is really cute... and tonight I told her so... I asked her how her how the local men are treating her and she says "Well, I'm kisssing A and you know, its ok"

Now A is a local (I don't even wanna call him mister A). He is approx 35, a heavy drinker, pot-bellied and very very fond of smoking marijuana...

He is nothing deserving of particular praise in my mind but he has that self-confident aura about him that would make people think he has higher social status than, in reality, he possesses.

The girl in question is approx 24, cute as hell and really nice.

I am 30, a light drinker and I don't touch drugs. I am probably too much of a "nice" guy for her. In fact, she told me she always liked "bad" guys...

Female bloggers... PLEASE help me understand - what does she see in him ???

Its not his looks
Its not his wealth
Its not his open-mindedness...

Should I just become an ignoramus and to hell with it?

Is being a "nice" guy arsenic to a young woman ??

Oommph.... sorry... rant over...

apologies for the non-financial post :-)

28 Responses to “Women ? Really ? Are you from a different planet ?”

  1. CouponAddict Says:
    1244338926

    What does she see in him ??? From your discription of both him and her The girl in question is approx 24, cute as hell and really nice.

    I would say she is looking for a fun time. Not my idea of fun but a fun time and she is not looking for a long term relationship and if she is well she will be sorry in the long run.

  2. Petunia Says:
    1244339594

    Yes, we are from another planet.

    But seriously, she's young. . . I remember being young and I was not a good judge of character. Or is it clearer to say I had a hard time telling the ones that appeared to have good character from the ones that actually were truly good guys. Unfortunately it sometimes takes a while (and a lot of heartache) for a gal to develop the ability to pick out the good ones. Hang in there.

  3. Apprentice Bliss Hunter Says:
    1244340157

    I know I'm generalising to a vast degree... and he probably has a lot of great qualities that I havn't seen..

    it's just that I really felt a connection with this girl...

    and it kinda strikes at the core of me... like I'm worth less than this guy...

    It makes me think people must think very little of me to prefer such a man over me...

    Or perhaps I just need to grow up and get over it, forget about her and move on...

    p.s. and is being a borderline alcoholic and marijuana user all you need to do to be considered a "bad guy".... wow, what a rebel !!! (sorry for the sarcasm :-) )

  4. Petunia Says:
    1244344658

    Move on.

    There's plenty of fish in the sea.

    Addictive personalities can be charming. How long has she been seeing this guy? I read somewhere that it takes about three months to start to see the real person in someone we're dating. That's when the "best foot forward" facade starts to crack.

  5. go.Xtina Says:
    1244349913

    I am 19 almost 20 in two weeks. I guess I understand her a bit, she wants someone fun and I guess she doesn't want to commit herself to a relationship either. She is at a age where she wants excitement in her life, I know I felt this way with my ex and he is a very good guy.

  6. lizajane Says:
    1244350303

    I vote for her being young and dumb. Some people at 24 are making adult decisions and focusing on the future, while others just want to have fun. (Thinking of the song, "Girls just wannna have fun"...)

    Or, there is the possiblity, that she also is "very very fond of smoking marijuana", and her judgment is altered somewhat.

  7. Apprentice Bliss Hunter Says:
    1244369947

    Thanks guys !

    I'll accept the consensus that he makes her life more fun and that is the attraction.... fair enough...

    I don't know why.... but I kinda felt gutted... I know that is irrational as she is perfectly free to see whomever she chooses.... I think the thing that guts me is in my opinion this guy has a less-than-shining-character, is not her match in terms of personality/character etc and the thoughts of this guy getting intimate with such a cute young girl sends shivers down my spine....

    My attraction to her has actually diminished substantially as a result - to put it crudely, I'm not sure I want to go anywhere this guy has been....

    I'm gonna see the positive in this whole situation tho...

    And see what I can to be more fun... not like a "task" to "have more fun" but to start enjoying myself more - this will hopefully have the double benefit of me actually having fun and also being more attractive to the opposite sex...

    Emmm... actually thinking about it.... I was out for a few drinks with my brother a few months ago and he did mention that I can come across as "too serious" in demeanour...

    I'm gonna take that on board.... I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.... although I don't want to go down the route of getting pissed drunk and smoking marijuana to lose my inhibitions...

    I'll just have to find an organic method for acting more freely !! :-)

  8. monkeymama Says:
    1244386179

    Ah, but it goes both ways. What is the redeeming quality in this girl, besides being cute? Wink
    All that being said, I agree on the young/fun thing. I was the same way, but I also had the maturity to not turn away from a nice guy, when the "RIGHT ONE" came along. & frankly the only reason I was attracted to my spouse in the first place was because he was rebellious and edgy. But when I found out he was just a regular nice guy deep down, I grabbed on, that is for sure. But yeah, in general he has women issues because he is such a GREAT FRIEND, he got pigeon holed into "just friends" for so long. But, with time, women want to settle down.

    The point is - there are plenty of fish in the sea.

    Reminds me, it doesn't hurt to work on making yourself stand out a little more:

    Text is http://www.seductionbase.com/seduction/cat/Start_PU/peacocking/22.html and Link is
    http://www.seductionbase.com/seduction/cat/Start_PU/peacocki...
    Your post just made me think of that. It doesn't take much for the appearance of being "different" or "fun."

  9. Apprentice Bliss Hunter Says:
    1244397745

    Thanks monkeymama..

    I'm a little shocked that you're familar with the tricks of the Pick up Artists... I'm familar with them but havn't put the peacocking thing into action yet...

    maybe now is the time ..... I don't want to spend a fortune on new clothes...I might try looking through charity second-hand shops for clothes that are really stand-outish....

    Thanks for the advice... :-)

    Rebellious edgy guys are a go-go it seems... will have to change my behaviour so :-)

  10. Broken Arrow Says:
    1244466339

    As you can imagine, this is a very, very common and often hotly debated question among guys on the internet. Seriously, it's been covered so much that some communities have their own set of acronyms to help describe situations commonly found in such situations.

    But rather than wasting time on acronyms or any other peripheral issues, let's get to the heart of the matter. First of all, there doesn't seem to be a lot of details that can help shed the light on the subject, so I can only speak in generalities.

    Second, please remember that it's not always you. Women have their own set of issues as we have ours....

    Men, not just women, also evolve in their priorities and outlook through time. For example, ten years ago, I cared nothing about money. Now, I care very MUCH about money. Women change their priorities as well.

    That's important because, a younger woman may be attracted to aspects that are different than a more mature woman. In general, I would say that women are often more attracted to adventure and exposure to new experiences.

    Some "jerks" can offer that. Because they are reckless with money, and because they make promises they can't keep. A nice guys is typically more measured. Some jerks tend to be more forceful as well, and can quantitatively "succeed" through more tries.

    I mean, there's a lot more generalities we can make, but in the end, there is a lot on the surface that younger women dream and romanticize about that shallow men, on the surface, appears to be that sort of prince charming. In fact, some jerk wads even do it on purpose and become pros at it. But in the end, it's deceptive you see.

    I'm rambling now, but I will say that there are a few universal rules that I don't think you can go wrong with most women. Eventually. Sincerity is generally liked. Treating them like a princess is generally liked. Humor is generally liked. Showing them how much you mean to them in little ways, every day, is generally liked....

    But in the end, what do I know? I'm just another guy out there, on the internet, in the same boat as yourself. Big Grin

  11. Apprentice Bliss Hunter Says:
    1244470401

    Wow...thanks BA for a great entry....

    It's great to get the perspective of a man more experienced in these matters than I...

    much appreciated Smile

  12. Broken Arrow Says:
    1244477659

    Er.. I'm not sure if you are being sarcastic or not, but either way, I had a good chuckle. Nah, I'm not really that experienced. My experiences are limited, and the ones I've had are mostly negative.

    But I'm very adamant that being a nice guy does not mean you can't win over the hearts and minds of women. Often times, I think that gets confused with the matter of confidence or effort.

    I also believe that, sometimes, if a woman doesn't have the sense to appreciate the quality of a man that YOU are, and prefer someone trashy, that's their loss as well. Seriously, why would anyone in their right mind choose that? Perhaps they have own set of issues as well, thinking that they make not be good enough for you or something.

    I can sympathize about feeling somehow less than somebody else. It's a terrible feeling that I can see how it can easily lead to the bottle. But I refuse to believe that being a nice man is the wrong way to go. It's not. I know this.

    And maybe it's not good enough to simply say, "I know this." But when I was much younger and cared much less about money, I've met many decent, attractive women in the past. Perhaps that's gloating, but it's true. A couple became my long-life friends. And part of the reason why they stuck with me was because they were EVENTUALLY tired of jerks that treated them badly.

    Sometimes, they just want a man who will pay attention to them, treat them nice, listen once in a while, maybe take them away to a nice place on the weekends. Sometimes, that's all it takes to win a woman's affection, dating-wise.

    And you ARE better than the other guy.

  13. ceejay74 Says:
    1244492396

    I can't add much, but I will say that a lot of times when guys are like "What does she see in that jerk?"--the "thing" she might see, besides the discussed possibility that he's just confident/fun/exciting to be around could be:
    *A challenge. Sometimes dating (especially when you're younger) is more about the chase, the hunt, than about finding someone to settle down with. Someone who's harder to read or harder to get the attention of is more interesting to chase after because it's challenging. Once you do catch them, they're often a disappointment and the thrill of victory doesn't last long (but sometimes they have other nice qualities that supplant that over time).
    *Mystery. Sometimes a person who doesn't seem to have a lot going on (like the guy you described) could be seen as mysterious, or hiding something deep or dark under the surface. Again, this usually disappoints when you peel it away, because most humans can't hold mystery forever, especially when you start dating or living together, so again, if that's the main attraction, there'd better be something else attractive underneath or it won't last.
    *Street smarts. An older guy may seem more seasoned, cynical, experienced and sometimes wiser, so that's one reason a girl would chase after a guy who's not traditionally handsome and who's quite a bit older. (There's also the money aspect, but your girl in question doesn't seem like she's going after someone with financial/social status, so I doubt that's it in this case.)

    So, I mean, you can try to be all these things, and get into the "hunting" aspect of dating, or you can continue to be the best person you can be, and eventually you'll find someone special who will dote on you. My husband was patient, sincere, wore his heart on his sleeve, and stayed true to his sweet nature (despite getting burned by love repeatedly well into his thirties), and now he's got two ladies. Smile (Note that I can't guarantee THAT result every time, though!)

  14. homebody Says:
    1244493896

    I have nothing to contribute. I married a "bad boy" and boy was he. Here we are almost 31 years and 3 daughters and 1 granddaughter later, still married. I think all the girls are payback! Haha.

    PS He stopped being a bad boy.

  15. miclason Says:
    1244501779

    perhaps it's just that you know him a lot more than she does.
    Perhaps, cute as hell as she is, she's got confidence issues which make her gravitate to this kind of guy ("who else would have me?")
    Perhaps she's a "rescuer".
    Perhaps she still buys the idea sold in many, many soap operas and movies that if a guy really loves you, he'll change!

  16. BuckhornGal Says:
    1244507649

    I was young once. I wasn't ready to settle down at that age. A year and a half later I was lonely and met an older man (your age:-)) on a blind date and fell in love. That was 23 years ago. So give it time and be a friend and she might come around. She'll appreciate you more after experiencing a moron like this other guy. Be patient. Meantime, sow your wild oats and meet other women for experience.

  17. Apprentice Bliss Hunter Says:
    1244511163

    Wow.. thx guys - I really appreciate your input...

    BA - I wasn't at all being sarcastic ! Sorry if it came it across that way :-(. I've never had a long-term relationship and I know you've been married at the very least (whatever about gf's before that) so you'll definitely more experienced than me - even if NOT substantially older ! :-)

    There were some great points made:

    Ceejay I think your post hits a lot of the nails... I can understand how a young girl would find a challenge, street smarts and a mystery attractive..

    miclason mades a very valid point about looking at the possibility that the girl herself has issues of varying kinds...

    and BA gave a strong argument in favour of remaining true to self and waiting for that appreciative soul to come along....

    I don't know... I look back on my 20s and see a barren lovelife. I don't want my 30s to be a repeat of that. Am I wrong for feeling hugely attracted to the georgeous girls in the discos and hoping that they would see a candidate in me for all this sexual liberation that I READ (hehe) so much about !

    I am not sure that I'm in market for a wife. I actually think I could be a bad candidate for a marriage-minded girl. For the reason I am inexperienced and not "broken in" relationship-wise. I havn't sown my wild oats.... so I don't want to bring that pent-up frustration into a future relationship...and then feel trapped when the initial passsion dies off (still being attracted to other women).

    Emmmm.... I know that having a litany of soul-less one-night stands is NOT a recipe for happiness... but sometimes I feel like I'm standing in the sweet-shop with my hands tied behind my back !

    I guess I should stop judging other people for their dating choices and for their vices... as none of us are perfect ..... and just concentrate on having fun and following my bliss ( bliss-hunter !! hehe)

  18. ceejay74 Says:
    1244556695

    Oh, I'm not saying you can't sow your wild oats before you settle down; I sure did! Smile
    Have you tried online personals? I'm not always that magnetic to other people just when sitting in bars and sometimes, when I just wasn't getting any interest at all that way, personals were a way to get a few dates. (Before that it was chatrooms, but I think those have kind of died out; I'm not sure.) None of my long-term relationships have resulted from online connections, but like you said, you're not necessarily looking for that. And I still had some interesting experiences, even if I didn't find a deeper connection with anyone.

  19. LuxLiving Says:
    1244576335

    AB, did you share any indication of your own interest in her with this girl? Like "When you get tired of that bozo give me a call, I'll take care of you?"

    Anything?

    Maybe it's that jerks tend to be willing to be jerky enough to protect her if it was ever needed? Like maybe he at least gives the appearance that he'd man up? Nice is nice. I married one of the nicest out there. But, he's also got a bit of brawn and could take out anybody who tried to mess with us too. I'm with whoever said it also had to do with him being some kind of challenge.

    Are you doing anything with your own life that's exciting? Are you busy? Got your own guy things going on? Sometimes it seems like those guys who've got busy calendars have lots of girl interest too. Why? He's busy. A challenge for her to get on the roster and into his rotation.

    With Hubster I could never be sure of a date. He had kids. Their schedule of visitations came first. Years later I figured out that was part of the attraction. Other guys were TOO AVAILABLE to me. He wasn't. 27 years later, here we are still together.

    Good luck with your life. I think you'll do okay. What would happen if you get busy, shore up the passions in your own life with activity behind them? Most likely there will be someone special lining up to get on the merry-go-round with you.

  20. LuxLiving Says:
    1244576422

    AB, did you share any indication of your own interest in her with this girl? Like "When you get tired of that bozo give me a call, I'll take care of you?"

    Anything?

    Maybe it's that jerks tend to be willing to be jerky enough to protect her if it was ever needed? Like maybe he at least gives the appearance that he'd man up? Nice is nice. I married one of the nicest out there. But, he's also got a bit of brawn and could take out anybody who tried to mess with us too. I'm with whoever said it also had to do with him being some kind of challenge.

    Are you doing anything with your own life that's exciting? Are you busy? Got your own guy things going on? Sometimes it seems like those guys who've got busy calendars have lots of girl interest too. Why? He's busy. A challenge for her to get on the roster and into his rotation.

    With Hubster I could never be sure of a date. He had kids. Their schedule of visitations came first. Years later I figured out that was part of the attraction. Other guys were TOO AVAILABLE to me. He wasn't. 27 years later, here we are still together.

    Good luck with your life. I think you'll do okay. What would happen if you get busy, shore up the passions in your own life with activity behind them? Most likely there will be someone special lining up to get on the merry-go-round with you.

    Keep us updated!

  21. Apprentice Bliss Hunter Says:
    1244592674

    Ceejay.. no havn't tried the online personals yet... emmm.. definitely food for thought - thx !

    Luxliving - Great entry ! I agree 100%...
    I'm no Arnie but, at the same time, I've never been physically intimidated by another person and I've very little fear in that regard... I don't think I come across as a wimp... hopefully ! hehe

    The being busy point is a crucial one... actually I am embarking on a passion in my life... A few posts ago I announced that I plan to be a full-time filmmaker by the time I'm 35 and that's gonna take a whole LOT of work...around my full-time job... so I think I should just throw myself into that.... also I've been going out to bars etc much more regularly than before ( 3 nights last weekend - hehe) and I'm planning to get back into kayaking and horse-riding as hobbies...and I'm running a half-marathon in August and a full Marathon in October....

    so yeah... there will be plenty going on in my life.... and I'll meet a lot of people through those activities...

    I'm kinda really keen on just having a policy of "No Dating Girls at Work".... but the thing is I enjoy flirting with them in a harmless way... but then suddenly I find they've slipped through my barriers and I become interested in them... the proximity perhaps... and regular contact...

    but then... there are MILLIONS of single women who could mean just as much, if not more, given the chance...

    But I think the key point is to get busy... stop over-analysing these things, have fun, progress my bliss and thereby increase my energy....

    I'm actually excited by the next couple of years :-)

    p.s. Luxliving... tbh, I just couldn't bring myself to say to this girl "When u're finished with A, I'll be here"...no way... ewww... I'd feel like a consolation prize... I know that's not the way you meant it... but it's how I'd feel... and a consolation prize for someone I have no great respect for (who got his bit of action and then jumped probably..)... no.... dramatic gesture - forearm to forehead.. slight sigh... "she's dead to me now !!" (romantically speaking)...

  22. LuxLiving Says:
    1244599080

    HAHAHA - I understand, I wouldn't want sloppy seconds either!

    How about flirting with all those girls at work and making them your 'wing girls', get them out there beating the drum for you? Lining up all their single girlfriends????

  23. whitestripe Says:
    1244601107

    the question is, if you really dislike this guy that she likes, would you really want to be with someone that likes that type of person?
    I am a classy type of person, I don't wear overly revealing clothes, I don't (or, didn't) put myself out there. I like to think I can look after myself, I am not a girly-girl either. I wouldn't like a guy that was attracted to the opposite of me, because I can't live up to that and don't want to. I could never deal with a guy who says 'Stand back! I will lift this for you because I am a big burly strong man', quite the opposite, DF often says 'get over here and help me move this'. I also couldn't deal with a guy who wants a trophy all the time, so if a guy was into those sorts of girls, I just wouldn't go near him.

  24. Apprentice Bliss Hunter Says:
    1244631228

    luxliving... yeah, good point about friends of girls at work... I remember meeting and "having a go" at one friend who was pretty stunning.. :-) No joy but she was too cute not to try ! The thing about that is there is a strong gossip culture in my job... There's only one girl I know who probably wouldn't mind helping me out that way.. emmmm... but the thing is I don't want my "pulling" adventures to be a hot topic for discussion in the canteen.... especially as I am a few years older than most of my colleagus... I could get a dirty older batchelor reputation pretty quickly....and girls will end up hiding their friends from me!! I love keeping my dating endeavours separate from work and "private"... especially since I'm not that fond of my job... it's like a place I can go to have fun and where work doesn't exist..

    +1 whitestripe... I'm honestly coming to the conclusion that this girl has self-esteem issues and that's why she's going out with guy... which is a shame.. as she has a great personality... but I guess you never know what goes on in another person's head....

  25. LuxLiving Says:
    1244751570

    Don't be fooled, some girls might be happy w/a bachelor who puts no pressure for future on them and others will be 'more involved' in trying to get you to the church on time - if you're not ready, okay - just gives them that much more incentive to try to win you over as their man. They might want what they can not have. Big Grin

  26. crazyliblady Says:
    1244928646

    Not all women are the same. I would have to agree that this woman is very immature and is not ready for anything besides fun. Her standards are obviously different than yours, so it probably would not work with her, anyway. Think of where you could meet up with women with similar interests.

  27. monkeymama Says:
    1245948460

    LOL - I just saw your reply BlissHunter. I loved that PU Artist show - I just found it fascinating. (I have a secret addiction to reality TV). Which some of the other comments reminded me about the "negs" - you don't want to seem "desparate." Unavailable men are always more attractive. Wink

  28. Apprentice Bliss Hunter Says:
    1245975326

    Thanks monkeymama...

    Yeah that show was awesome ! Some of us men really don't have a clue about how to attract women primevally...

    I sure have a lot to learn... and although it may appear manipulative, I think the "methods" the PU Artists use have a solid reason for why they work...

    I think 1000s of men don't have a sex life because they're not aware of this stuff....

Leave a Reply

(Note: If you were logged in, we could automatically fill in these fields for you.)
*
Will not be published.
   

* Please spell out the number 4.  [ Why? ]

vB Code: You can use these tags: [b] [i] [u] [url] [email]