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Archive for June, 2010

How best to disregard Habitual Self-Doubt ?

June 13th, 2010 at 04:13 pm

So there is a small Film Festival happening in a City near me next month.

I went on the website and there is a Pitching competition that goes like this:

* You send your 500 word story idea on one page.
* All ideas are looked at by a panel.
* The best 5 are invited to pitch their idea.
* They take turns talking about their idea in public for about 10 mins in front of the panel.
* The panel picks a winner and gives them 3000 euro to help them write the full-length script.

It cost 30 euro to submit an idea. I presumed it would have been free to submit but, hey, it's not.

Anyway, I know that the idea of selling my idea in PUBLIC in competition with the other 4 best ideas is WAY WAY WAY outside my comfort zone.

But my idea would have to picked first. I have 4/5 of the film in my head and wrote down disjointedly so putting the 500 words together will not be a big labour.

But my pitiful little mind is throwing up things like "What are you thinking ? You'll never win" etc etc... Anyone who lack confidence in any area will know what I mean.

I KNOW that that little voice is a mental distortion and I should just ignore it but the thing is the little voice is very devious, deceptive and believable !!

Anyone any tips on shutting it up !! :-)

The deadline for submission of Idea is next Friday so I'm going to post it off on Wednesday to make sure it get's there.

Wish me Luck !! :-)

I'm just feeling like.. unworthy or something...

Hitting target for Giving

June 9th, 2010 at 06:50 am

Under my new budget post-debt-freedom, all I could squeeze was 5.5% for Giving.

Was talking to my Aunty in America who's having a rough time of it recently and have decided to send her over 4.5% monthly to bring the Giving total up to the target 10%.

That feels quite substantial.

On one hand, I think "That's as much as I'm putting away into my retirement account - i.e. too much. Think what I could get if I invested it or added it to my spending money".

On the other hand, I think:

* I'm either going to give to others or I'm not. Waiting until I'm Financially Independent to give (i.e. have no money worries) may mean I never give because when can you have too much Independence ? And there will always be SOMEthing to spend money on (for example, I might say to myself that new TV really is a necessity for now - I deserve it).

* There is no future, there is only Now. When 1st January 2015 (for example) comes, it will be still be Now. Future is a useful mental concept for making plans/appointments etc but it is nothing but a mental concept i.e. you can't build your life on it. Give now or don't give.

* How will I feel if my Aunty isn't around in the future and I knew I didn't help her in her time of need ?

* I'm hoping, selfishly, that Giving will give me a feeling of wealth i.e. I've giving a substantial amount of my income away, therefore I'm ok financially. I can live without X amount per month - I have all the money I need. (Want is a different matter ! lol).

* Karma. Putting back into the World what you get out of it. Trusting in life. Focusing on relationships rather than dollar and cents etc.

Yeah... so there it is. I guess I'm arrived into a place of financial comfortableness if that's a word. I havn't got a lot in Western World terms but I have more than I need for Now which is more than most people in the World have when you think about it.